Monday was an extraordinarily difficult day. I spent a lot of it in tears. It was the final day when the end became real and definite, and Sailor and I officially, finally parted ways. He came up to say goodbye. He brought me a copy of Adobe Illustrator I'd asked him to get from his stepdad (who works for Adobe) which I won't be able to use until I upgrade my computer. I gave him a check for almost all the money I have.
I had to buy a ring, you see.
Last year, Sailor proposed to me. He made himself poor for months to buy the engagement ring, which sat in a drawer in my bedroom, collecting dust. If I gave it back to him, he would keep it, hoarding it like Gollum, which would not be useful to him. School is expensive, and what Sailor needs now is not a diamond, but money. (Especially as his financial aid didn't go through.) Since he wouldn't sell or pawn the ring on his own, I made him sell it to me.
It seemed the right thing to do, although afterwards I wished I hadn't because I wanted the money back. I still think it was the right thing to do.
I don't know what I'll do with this ring. I never got it sized, so it's too big for my ring fingers, although it fits my middle finger well enough. Flash a diamond when you flip the bird!
If Sailor and I ever get back together - who knows, we might, stranger things have happened - I suppose the ring will be useful then.
Perhaps I should put it on a chain and wear it 'round my neck to remind me of my selfishness, which in the end is what led to the end of a relationship of two years.