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24 May 2005 @ 01:14 pm
....in which I prove I am a wimp.  
I am crying hysterically, and writing in my journal.
I guess that's a bit of a weird thing to do when you're wailing your head off, but writing helps me eventually calm down so even though it seems ridiculous, I'll keep going.

I finally bit the bullet and called Dr. Suzuki (all those times I said I called? I lied. Sorry.) and told him about my mouth bleeding - because it decided to happen again this morning - and they told me to come in for a s--------, which I don't remember the actual word for but it sounded something like sepulcher, so that's what I'll use. I rather feel like being placed in one at the moment, anyway. I ask if I need someone to drive me, and they say no, so I assume it's some minor little thing, like placing a wad of packing tacky-clay on the roof of my mouth again.
I go in, tra-la-la, and after they get the dentist bib on me, the first thing Dr. Suzuki whips out is a giant syringe. I freak out, because no one said nothing about getting shot, and not only do I get shot but it's in the roof of my mouth and MOTHERFUCKER IT HURTS. (I am deathly afraid of needles, by the way. Freakin' terrified. When I was a kid, it took four nurses plus my father to hold me down for a shot. THAT IS WHEN I WAS SICK, TOO.) Since they're messing around in my mouth I can't react at all and then they start sewing something up and I can't feel that, probably because of whatever they shot into me, but I can see blood getting on his gloves and it's scaryscaryscary. After the doctor finished whatever he was doing, he did put that tacky-clay on the roof of my mouth, but it's so far back that part of it is going down my throat, so every time I swallow it feels like someone's sticking a finger down there. Those of you who have known me a while know I have a terrible gag reflex, and this is torture for me. Every time I swallow tears start welling up and I try cringe away from my throat, and that is not, of course, possible so I'm just twitching my throat muscles in the oddest way possible. It's driving me absolutely insane, and it's gotta be in there a week. The whole process takes about ten minutes, but DAMN THAT WAS A SCARY TEN MINUTES.
I manage to hold myself together until I get back to my car, and then I start bawling. Since I can't just sit in the dentist's parking lot all day, I start driving home, and I APOLOGIZE NOW TO ANYONE ELSE WHO WAS ON THE ROAD WITH ME. I was crying and you know what, it's not easy to drive when you're doing that. IT IS A STUPID IDEA AND I REALIZE THAT, but I just wanted to get home so I could curl up and cry without restraint. Which I did and am doing, except for a quick phone call to my little brother to please stop by Viking Bookstore and let them know that I am far too hysterical to go to work today, and at this rate won't be able to help out at all during summer session, but pretty please don't fire me because I want to come back during the fall.

So now I'm in this cycle of write, write, calm down, stop crying, write, swallow, burst into hysterical tears once more.
Current Mood: crushedmiserable
kero: fairykerotab on May 24th, 2005 08:44 pm (UTC)
:-( :::hugs!!:::

lotz o' luv!
Anjalihappyluckyme on May 24th, 2005 08:50 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you are feeling crappy :( hugs from me too.
Narrator: sadaswirlymatrix on May 24th, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry you have to go through all that. =( *big hugs*
mutantstar on May 24th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
Get well soon... the whole process sounds absolutely horrendous. I hope you feel better.
faithlessangei on May 24th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)

Almost everyone I know is afraid of needles, except me. I wish I could trade people sometimes, so they could be unafraid when they have to be around them. =/

*hugs* Feel better soon.
brokenliich on May 25th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC)
the word you were looking for is suture (pronounced like "soo-chur") and basically just means you needed stitches in your mouth. the needle in the mouth was painful, but i would think that sewing you up without the numbing shot would have hurt more. i don't mind needles but needles in mouth suck!! i feel for ya. also if something is bothering you, do NOT be afraid to talk to your dentist or doctor or whomever. let him know that there's something wrong. they can't tell if that sticky tacky stuff is too far back in your throat or if something is bothering you. let them know. they're there to help YOU...you're allowed to be demanding for comfort when it comes to something like this.

i suggest holding off on the solid food for a little while and let your mouth heal a bit more before you start up on solids again.
hope you heal very very soonly.
whimsicalbeauwhimsicalbeau on May 25th, 2005 08:01 am (UTC)
I hate it when people I care about are sick or hurting. It makes me wish there was some sort of machine I could hook up to to differ some of the discomfort and pain from them to me.
Somone needs to invent the machine.
I hate being powerless to help. =(
~ * flurr sprite * ~nkicroft on May 25th, 2005 08:45 am (UTC)
holy crap i could not do that!!! ..the needles and stuff maybe, but the stuff down my throat?? NOgagreflexAUGH. i have a huge problem with that... when i'm like 35 or something i have to get this procedure done where they stick a tube down my throat and look around my stomach for holes or something WHILE I'M AWAKE AND I WILL NOT DO IT! i don't care if they think it's hereditary! i refuse! if my tummy starts hurting, i'll tell them. ;_; i hope you call and they say they'll move the tacky stuff!
The Abominable Chaxmiyu_sakura on May 25th, 2005 02:42 pm (UTC)
Poor baby... :(

I really hope you feel better soon!
Jasondelirium19 on May 28th, 2005 07:56 am (UTC)
dude, you need to tell them that type of thing. I mean it was bad enough you didnt tell them it was bleeding, but if you cant swallow properly you NEED to tell them. Its not like its a huge deal, in fact they should do it for free since they screwed up. But its not their fault if you dont tell them its interfering. Sucks bout the shot though. Anyone that knows you knows you can be very not subtle when it comes to getting what you want, so why not here?