First was the woman who once was a man! This may not, technically, be a fact, but trust me - if appearance is anything to go by, this woman was born with a dick. Her jaw was the squarest I've ever seen, and her moustache needed to be combed. Her wild, unruly eyebrows made mine look like Anastacia fixes them daily and she wore dirty-kneed gray sweatpants and a XXL black WWF tee-shirt.
Anyway, Victor(ia) here was looking for something to remove age spots. No problem! I show her the True Blue Spa Vitamin Serum - it's so packed with Vitamins A-E that it can't fail to do SOMETHING to fix her skin. She squints at the label and demands, "So does this work?"
I reply, "It surely does, ma'am. My mother's been using it running on three years now and she looked younger-"
"I WANT SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK NOOOOOOOOOW!" the woman bellowed, leaving the rest of my sentence ("-after three month's use than she had on her wedding day ten years before." Utter bullshit, by the way. No one I know has never used the product.) on the tip of my tongue. While I was swallowing those words, possibly to regurgitate in a new form of testimonial ("Perhaps you would be interested in our Everlasting Flower Serum, then - 85% of customers using it noticed significant reductions in signs of aging after only three months.") she flipped the box over and screeched, "FIFTEEN DOLLARS FOR A STUPID LITTLE BOTTLE WHAT A RIP-OFF!" (...Never mind that Pure Simplicity serum...it's $18. Erasing that sales pitch from memory now.) I pointed out that with the Buy One, Get One Free promotion, she could end up saving quite a bit of money, but she had already turned to her friend (also once a man) and complained, "I oughtta get that stuff from Avon. It was much cheaper!"
Yes, lady, Avon is cheaper. I assure you, if our products were as chock-full of mineral oil as Avon's, we'd be quite a bit cheaper, too.
Besides, it is in poor taste to complain about prices in a loud, shrill voice. It merely makes you look poor and ill-mannered. Eeew.
Next up in Sammie's Carnival of Customer Service Horrors is the man who cannot read! He brought several Le Couvant Honey & Shea products to the register and grew outraged when the total was nearly $100. "Those are only $6!" he said in a cranky voice. I politely informed him that only the shower gels from the range were $6. He stalked over to the wall, and came back "It SAYS SO RIGHT HERE that these are $6."
Sammie doesn't take kindly to raised voices, so I calmly walked over with him to the wall and pointed to the sign. "See these words under the big six? They read 'Le Couvant Honey & Shea Shower Gel.' Not Le Couvant Hand Cream, not Le Couvant Night Masque. Do you see how that works?" (Sammie assumes that everyone who raises their voice is a small child, and so she treats them as such.) The man made a cranky face and sulkily insisted, "It's $6."
"If you do not believe me, feel free to speak to my manager. Her name is Lisa and she's right over there in the red apron." Exeunt Sammie.
So I only had two people who really drove me batty, but lesser forms of the same problem have manifested daily. Ick. I really oughtn't work in customer-service oriented jobs.