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28 June 2005 @ 10:04 am
It's almost over...  
We're in the last week of June Sale over at Bath & Body Works, so today I have come to share some of the delightful customers who have drifted in over the past month.

First was the woman who once was a man! This may not, technically, be a fact, but trust me - if appearance is anything to go by, this woman was born with a dick. Her jaw was the squarest I've ever seen, and her moustache needed to be combed. Her wild, unruly eyebrows made mine look like Anastacia fixes them daily and she wore dirty-kneed gray sweatpants and a XXL black WWF tee-shirt.
Anyway, Victor(ia) here was looking for something to remove age spots. No problem! I show her the True Blue Spa Vitamin Serum - it's so packed with Vitamins A-E that it can't fail to do SOMETHING to fix her skin. She squints at the label and demands, "So does this work?"
I reply, "It surely does, ma'am. My mother's been using it running on three years now and she looked younger-"
"I WANT SOMETHING THAT'LL WORK NOOOOOOOOOW!" the woman bellowed, leaving the rest of my sentence ("-after three month's use than she had on her wedding day ten years before." Utter bullshit, by the way. No one I know has never used the product.) on the tip of my tongue. While I was swallowing those words, possibly to regurgitate in a new form of testimonial ("Perhaps you would be interested in our Everlasting Flower Serum, then - 85% of customers using it noticed significant reductions in signs of aging after only three months.") she flipped the box over and screeched, "FIFTEEN DOLLARS FOR A STUPID LITTLE BOTTLE WHAT A RIP-OFF!" (...Never mind that Pure Simplicity serum...it's $18. Erasing that sales pitch from memory now.) I pointed out that with the Buy One, Get One Free promotion, she could end up saving quite a bit of money, but she had already turned to her friend (also once a man) and complained, "I oughtta get that stuff from Avon. It was much cheaper!"
Yes, lady, Avon is cheaper. I assure you, if our products were as chock-full of mineral oil as Avon's, we'd be quite a bit cheaper, too.
Besides, it is in poor taste to complain about prices in a loud, shrill voice. It merely makes you look poor and ill-mannered. Eeew.

Next up in Sammie's Carnival of Customer Service Horrors is the man who cannot read! He brought several Le Couvant Honey & Shea products to the register and grew outraged when the total was nearly $100. "Those are only $6!" he said in a cranky voice. I politely informed him that only the shower gels from the range were $6. He stalked over to the wall, and came back "It SAYS SO RIGHT HERE that these are $6."
Sammie doesn't take kindly to raised voices, so I calmly walked over with him to the wall and pointed to the sign. "See these words under the big six? They read 'Le Couvant Honey & Shea Shower Gel.' Not Le Couvant Hand Cream, not Le Couvant Night Masque. Do you see how that works?" (Sammie assumes that everyone who raises their voice is a small child, and so she treats them as such.) The man made a cranky face and sulkily insisted, "It's $6."
"If you do not believe me, feel free to speak to my manager. Her name is Lisa and she's right over there in the red apron." Exeunt Sammie.

So I only had two people who really drove me batty, but lesser forms of the same problem have manifested daily. Ick. I really oughtn't work in customer-service oriented jobs.
Current Mood: calmcalm
moonlitglow on June 28th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
That sounds like complete and utter joy.

Lindseylin_lin_lucy on June 28th, 2005 05:52 pm (UTC)
heh, customers are the best though.... Tell them something is free and they'll flip over backwards and do a trick for yas...

creator: Shit is Bananas!punksaturn on June 28th, 2005 05:56 pm (UTC)
That is true. If we have the ugliest top/pants, it won't sell. Put that sucker on sale and people go BANANAS.

creatorpunksaturn on June 28th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC)
If I posted all the stupidity I get from people, I think I'd bore you all to death. It's a daily occurence.

Our sale starts Thursday.. and I hate sales. :( I hate the customers who shop the sale. :(

Oh and yeah, no one can read in our store. We had crops next to this nice tops with a sign that said CROPS: $29.50. You wouldn't believe how many people bring the tops up to the wrapdesk, and are surpsied when they are full price. "BUT THE SIGN SAYS 29.50!" READ dammit. Oh, and odn't get me started on people who confuse a $14.50 TANK sign with a $75 Skirt sign. It's sad.

Just Me!xhappyx on June 28th, 2005 07:54 pm (UTC)
Customer service can be so much fun! It can even be more fun over the internet where they forget there is a real live person on the other end of that internet connection.
J.Y.dic_tator on June 28th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
That wo-man must have been the spawn of cave age parents.

If they look like that why are they desiring to get rid of age spots?
faithlessangei on June 29th, 2005 08:53 am (UTC)
From what I've read about your job...
It sounds like you deserve a cookie or two simply for not putting flesh-eating acids in the products.
whimsicalbeauwhimsicalbeau on June 29th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
This is going to sound a little bit strange...
Man. I almost envy you! The first lady was just your typical bitch-man. I get(got) those all the time at palm- but i've always yerned to match wits with the special kind of idiot you listed second.

My favorite retail horror stories are the ones where the customers insist they know more about your store policy/prices than you do.

"It's six dollars."

Ha. Brilliant.
Meg: Round Here - beaner_graphicslosexthexgirl on June 30th, 2005 02:49 am (UTC)
You inspired me to get my ass into Bath & Body Works okay... I bought Pure Simplicity Cocoa Resotorative Body Cream, Purely Silk Body Lotion in Coconut Lime, Whatever You Shea Hand Cream, and TuttiDolci Lip Gloss in Creme Brulee. Thanks for letting me spend all my money Suzi. lol I spent a small fortune at the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale too.