May 4th, 2001


History Text Dissected

I was talking to Kathy today because I didn't have a class for an hour.
"Do you want to read the history chapter?" she asked presently, since I never do. (I often still get higher quiz scores than she.)
"Naw..." I said, glancing at the clock. "It'll take me twenty minutes and we haven't the time..." She looked at me, agape.
"It takes you twenty minutes to read this?" she gasped. "Sam, it's 35 pages!"
"Why?" I asked. I mean, I think I'm a bit slow, but..."How long does it take you?"
"At least an hour!" She shook her head at me. "So what do you get out of it?"
"Immediately - nothing. But after I sleep on it, it sorts itself out in my head and then it's there for me to call on." I explained.
She shook her head again. "Sam, why do you get the grades you do?" Don't know why she bothered to ask. She knows the answer as well as me.
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Just shut up.

"Samantha, if I had to pick a word for you it would be FAILURE." The Dragon Lady lectured, condemning me with her sneering face.
Her partner in evil, the White Woman, leered down from her high horse. "You had every opportunity before you, and you screwed it up."
"You could have been in Stanford, Princeton, Yale," Dragon Lady lamented, "You could've gone to Georgetown, maybe Oxford in England."
"Your parents are not divorced, and you are upper middle class. You are intelligent, a genius. You can memorize books by skimming them. You can chop off essays in fifteen minutes. You are intuitive enough to guess your way through any multiple-choice test." Whitey moaned.
"If you had taken those easy A's in junior high at Bernal," they chanted together, "You would've been at Presentation. You could get straight A's there, and go on to any University you chose.
"If you had gotten straight A's at Valley Christian, you would never have been pulled out. You would've stayed at a nice, new campus and had a schedule that worked for you. You wouldn't be behind in several classes because Valley offered the courses Branham doesn't.
"If you had gotten straight A's at Branham you would've been the top of your class. You wouldn't have needed to repeat Geometry, Algebra 2, Spanish. You would've been ASB Secretary."
They tower above me, pointing derisively. "You could've been someone. You could've been the top dog. But you had to be lazy. You couldn't handle the pressure.
"You screwed it up, and YOU FAILED. YOU ARE A FAILURE. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!"
And of course I say nothing, because there is nothing to say. They're right.
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    melancholy melancholy