September 11th, 2001


Thousands of souls, Hitonoko...

Hitonoko, I'm scared. Help me. Is the Mokushiroku coming? Is it beginning? Is it here?
Hitonoko, thousands of people died today in a few short hours. What was it like, this sudden influx of souls? Was there a waiting line in Heaven? Or...even worse...was the entrance of souls upstairs not that different than any given 'normal' day? Has Hell suddenly gotten so much hotter from a great multitude flooding its halls?

Hitonoko, speak to me. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. I don't have the strength to think for myself right now. Let me know what I am to do. I don't want to passively watch, but what else can I do? Can I even do anything?

I see it now, after watching it play again and again all day. The vivid image is trapped in my mind forever. The second plane smashing crashing burning into the tower, and then the two towers collapsing in on themselves. People trying to escape, waving desperately to anyone who can save them. Humans jumping, deciding that a quick death is better than a slow one of being crushed. Is that still suicide, Hitonoko?

All afternoon I talked to people. We were scared to be alone, even though we would never admit that to ourselves. Scared to isolate from other people, because then we would be forced to face today's events. I talked to Danny, Kris, Kitty, Davy, Krystal (she's in the Bronx), Alisha, Mike, and Juli. Hashed over the events, wondered at what could motivate someone to kill so recklessly. (Is it reckless? It was clearly thought out.) Worried and wondered.

I worried about Tanya-chan. I'd shatter if she'd been hurt or worse. But I just heard from Rel that she's okay, which was like plunging into a pool on a one hundred-degree day. Pure relief. Thank you, Hitonoko, for the small things.

Now they're saying all the famous people who died. It makes me sick. Who cares if they're famous? They're just people. There were lots of other people, just as important, but I don't hear the news naming them. Who cares if some t.v. show producer died? Thousands of lives have been snuffed out, does it matter if a few of them did something that raised them to celebrity status? Why select an elite few to mourn?

Hitonoko, be my strength. It took a lot of energy not to cry, to stay focused in class. The crash kept playing again and again, and the boy behind me wouldn't stop joking. It wasn't funny.

I haven't cried yet, Hitonoko. But I think I might be working on it.

If their souls were saved, Hitonoko, than please welcome them into Your Kingdom. Amen.