April 16th, 2003


Techno Sims Remix = Wrong

Yume: My obsession served me ice cream with lots of whipped cream swirled on top. He's wearing a cute little apron, red-and-white striped, and a bowtie at his chin. Even though it's probably against company policy, his hair falls in his face, framing his dark almond eyes. Silverchair, his favorite, plays on the radio as I lick my ice cream cone.

That dream left me with a little smile on my face when I woke up. Even though he's faded to the background for a while, it's nice to know my obsession still lurks in the background. I still check his profile every day on AOL; he changes it once or twice a week and it's always entertaining. Heh. Just as I typed that sentence, he got kicked off AOL and re-logged in. :) Yup, he's still my obsession, even if it's grown to be a distant one.

I woke up this morning feeling sickish and sluggish. But I had to go to work (for who else would spend three hours staring blankly at the wall if not I?) so I dragged myself out of bed and went to work and smiled at people and wished everyone a happy day. But I was exhausted by the time I got off at nine.

On the way home, I ran a red light. That makes two in about two months of driving. D'oh! But I thought it was proof that I needed sleep, so I decided to take a quick nap before heading to school. After reminding my brother (who is on his spring break, lucky bastard!) to wake me up at ten, I crashed.

And you see the things they never see...all you wanted, I could be. Now you know me, and I'm not afraid. And I...wanna tell you who I am; can you help me be a man? They can break me as long as I know who I am.

When I awoke, I was alone save for the painter puttering around downstairs. (We're having the walls of our house repainted; it's actually quite cool. Everything's covered in plastic and when you run up and down the stairs, it rustles.) It was half past two. I had managed to miss all my classes - damn. And I woke with a headache; not a terribly bad one, it was an annoyance but not a hinderance. Hinderence? Not sure on the spelling...anyway, since I couldn't go to school - or rather, there was no point in doing so - I finished another pile of distro reviews. The catalog is now completely up-to-date with what I have in my possession, save for brooke's art - but that can't be added until my scanner recovers from the labors I've put it through. All I've got left to do is finish answering submissions, and I will be free until the next wave of responses roll in. (Actually, they might already be here; I haven't been to the P.O. Box this week.)

I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

Having a class every day is excrutiating to me. I've never had that - well, not since junior high. I just can't stand being in the same place at the same time, every day, learning the same thing again. I want to drop math so badly! But I've got to start taking the classes or I'll never get out and never be free from school. But school itself isn't a cage; it's the schedule that goes with it. I hate having to be at the same place at the same time doing the same routines. I want variety! I want change! I want revolution! I want ice cream with whipped cream on top, darn it all...and I'm just not going to get any of it.
  • Current Music
    "i'm still here" by johnny