May 4th, 2004


Prevention of Anorexia

I wish I could just unhinge my throat and pour liquid food down it three times a day. Quick, easy, painless.

I am currently wrestling with a bowl of clam chowder. I am not hungry, and as this is from a can it is not fabulous clam chowder. I do not want to eat it. I want to go upstairs and go to sleep.

However, I have not had substantial food today. Breakfast was a yogurt and three vitamin supplement pills. (Half of a full dosage; the bottle says to take six. I figure I'm half the size of a normal American so I take half a dose.) Lunch has so far been a banana. If I don't finish this soup, I'll probably have to admit I have some sort of eating disorder. So down it goes.

But it is a struggle, every bite. I do not feel hungry, but I know from the empty feeling in my stomach that I am. This mediocrity sitting in front of me is not the least bit satisfying, but it is filling that gap, and it is filling it in a way that is better than ice cream or the other junk I don't mind devouring.

Only 1/3 of a bowl to go. At least I can see the amount going down; if I had not made a dent in this by now I would cry.
  • Current Mood
    nauseated nauseated