November 10th, 2015

kid - jabba the hutt impression.

How Not to Get a Job

A guy is interested in working at HB's. He dropped off his application a day or two before Halloween. By Halloween he had already called twice to ask if he could schedule an interview. I didn't take the call, but based on the notes left by my coworkers they told him we weren't hiring right now.

Two days later he sent an e-mail with his resume. I politely responded that we did not have any openings but that I would keep his resume on file. (You know – polite HR talk for “Not interested.”) I thought we might give him a call for a seasonal position later in the month, but we were trying to fill our gift wrapper positions through friends and family first.

A few days later he tried again, writing:
Hello, I'm Interested...In Seasonal/Gift Wrapping Work. I Do Live/Reside, Close/Nearby. In The Downtown Neighborhood. Thank You, For Your Time.

I was starting to feel rather badgered. Also, who capitalizes every single word in a professional e-mail? What's with the Live/Reside Close/Nearby? One word is plenty, don't consult your thesaurus for extras. Finally, I don't like excessive commas.

But I realize that he was clarifying that he was open to seasonal work, so perhaps he thought that e-mail was necessary. I ignored it since I felt my previous e-mail was enough.

Keep in mind that in addition to these e-mails, he is calling every other day to schedule an interview. My initial response of “When we are ready to schedule interviews, WE will call YOU” has devolved into “I have your information IF I decide to interview.”

Every time I hear from him, I grew increasingly annoyed. His frequent e-mails and calls seem a sign that he would take direction poorly, either because he was willfully ignoring my request to wait until I initiate contact or simply doesn't comprehend the basic message of “Don't call us, we'll call you.” I don't think that I could work with him.

There's also that weird e-mail grammar to consider.

Last month, he was near the top of my to-be-interviewed pile, but in the past week he's managed to talk himself down to the bottom of the pile. So let this be a lesson, kids: when applying for a job, only send one follow-up e-mail, and only after a reasonable amount of time (say, at least two weeks) has passed. Otherwise, you're just going to irritate the person upon whom you hope to leave a favorable impression.