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15 January 2003 @ 10:04 pm
The scent of sorrow...  
A second time I kill my husband dead
When second husband kisses me in bed

Gotta love Hamlet, baby. I've got a bit of a mystery on my hands and I can't quite trace it. I can smell colonge - I'm not well-versed enough to know the name or the brand - but it's semi-strong. I can't figure out where it's coming from. Neither my brother or my father use the stuff.
I brought many neon colored lacy gloves to school today; many people wore them. It was cool. I had an orange pair, a green pair, a black pair (which I wore) and a purple pair. I brought them because a person in anime club promised he'd wear the purple pair, and I thought the group could use some color. I didn't think he'd actually wear 'em, tho'...I'd been getting the impression that he didn't want to do anything that might please me lately. It's weird...he seems very standoffish in person. Sometimes I think I should be insulted, but I think it's also just the way he is. Who knows?
Talked to D. Bandaid said she thinks he likes me. I wish she hadn't said that - it makes me uncomfortable around him, because everything he does seems to stand out a lot more. Like, I never noticed before that he hugs me first thing and last thing, and plays with my hair and gives me massages and backrubs and blah blah blah. I mean, I knew he did that (duh) but I hadn't realized that he doesn't do that to everyone else, too. Shut up! I realize I'm unobservant or in denial or something. Seru, who wore the purple gloves and I think might be the only person I'd talk to about this, is exactly the last person I _can_ talk to, because
A/He thinks D is pure evil, a Satan to my Christian
B/ I told him that if a guy ever gave me love signals I'd run in the opposite direction, and that makes the topic awkward. ^^;
I think, if it was up to me, I don't want a boyfriend or anything even resembling that. But it seems like every time I turn around, be it my mother or my doctor or ex-teachers or some friends, everyone expects me to get one because otherwise I'd be lonely and unhappy. So I think ideally I'd like to toss back a few quick dates and never worry about it for another year. It's just the big C word - commitment - that I don't want to deal with.