Suzi (k00kaburra) wrote,

Freewrite Topic: Fear

Background: At the beginning of each class session Skip puts a topic on the board and we write about it, constant scribbling, no stopping or analyzing. Just whatever thought is in your head goes down your arm, through the pen, on the page. No crossing out. No changing words. Just whatever happens to fall out.

"Fear is the glue that holds society together." I've always liked that quote, and like to pretend it came from some great philosopher but that's a load of bunk. It was the Scarecrow on a Batman cartoon. My philosophy comes from strange places. Cartoons. Comic books. But so what? Does that make the philosophy any less valid?

Fear. Afraid. What am I afraid of? So many things so I loathe that question. Blood. Failure. School. People. God. The Devil. God. Life. People. God. Everything, ultimately.

I am not afraid of everything in an immediate sense; it could merely be extrapolated from any starting point. I love chocolate so I will eat a lot of it which will make me fat which will make me ugly and I fear being ugly. That sort of thing. Hats I fear because they trap bats in your hair and lice and they're dirty bacteria breeding grounds but I would still wear them. Fear holds society together but that doesn't mean it conquers it. It should be an underlying current not the defining characteristic.

Scary and fear are different. I can be scared but not afraid. Scary is fun. Terror is not. Scared of ghosts but not really scared because I still read books and watch TV shows about them. Frightened fright falls somewhere in between. Fright isn't sought, like being scared, but it is a temporary condition. Fear is not. Unless it is actively worked on I think fear is a permanent condition. I really ought to be forming a short story with this topic but all I can think is analytical - no that's not the correct word - all I can do is think and ruminate but I am not creating right now. Terror I didn't address. I guess terror is a condition too, a state, a powerful emotion. Not a thought or recurring pattern which is fear. If I had a graph fear would be the line and the different spikes and high points would be the others like this:

I'm forgetting one am I not?

I'm scared of a blank piece of paper, of starting a new project. No, that's not true. The scary part isn't really starting it's knowing what comes next and when to stop.

Stopping can be very scary
because what if you forgot
something vital and can't
go back?

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