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21 May 2009 @ 10:13 pm
The passing of the Jung family matriarch  
When I got home from work tonight everything was dark. All the lights were out, and nobody was home. That seemed odd, because my mom usually will tell me if she plans to be away, but when I saw her this morning she specifically said "I'll see you when I get home from work." When I went inside, it became clear that she'd been home, but she'd been called away quickly. The closet door was wide open (it definitely had not been when I left) as if she'd grabbed a jacket and neglected to close it as she hurried off. As I continued to to the living room, I saw that her computer was still on. I wondered where she and my dad had gone.

I didn't see a note on the whiteboard, so I ate a quick dinner. As I was clearing the table, I suddenly realized I ought to check my phone for messages. After digging it out, I saw that I did have a voicemail so I listened to it, and that is how I found out that my grandmother had passed away around 4:30 that afternoon.

I wish I could say I was distraught and burst into proper tears of grief, but I didn't. I'm not. As harsh and cold as it sounds...I kinda expected it. Well, expected might be a bit of a strong term for it. "Naturally extrapolated the outcome as a result of previous events" might be more accurate.

- Popo (my grandmother) was going to be 94 in July. Once a person is in their nineties, I figure the Grim Reaper has them on speed dial.

- She had fallen at some point between Friday evening and Saturday evening and was unable to get up, and had massive dehydration (that weekend the weather hit 100+, and her home has no AC) as well as serious bowel irritation. She was in bad shape when she got to the hospital.

- In the past few months she's been sleeping more and more. She has shown less interest in eating, and she would often decline or cancel invitations to visit at the last minute. She'd been "withdrawing" for a long time.

- My grandmother had been doing quite poorly at the hospital, but then Wednesday afternoon she was suddenly able to eat, was starting physical therapy, and was coherent when talking to my uncle. The suddenness of her recovery, and its swiftness, made me think of the "death energy" I've heard about in the past, wherein someone with a terminal disease/sudden illness suddenly resurges and appears to begin recovery, only to relapse and die later in the day. This was probably the biggest "prepper" for me that she might pass in the very near future, although the realization was not on a conscious level.

We had planned to go up Friday morning to visit her, and my Mom is kicking herself for not going up earlier today or on Wednesday. I think she blames herself for Popo's death, because she didn't know that Popo was alone in the house last weekend. Mom thinks now that if she'd known, she would have gone up and spent more time with her, but realistically, she wouldn't. No point beating herself up over it. When God says it's time to go, we go, and there's nothing we can do to change it.
(Deleted comment)
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Thank you. We do have some documentation that my Mom's been working on for the past few years, but unfortunately it's far from comprehensive. :-/ I'm hoping we'll find some diaries or something as we go through the house, but of course they might be in Chinese so we couldn't even read 'em.
deathjoy: elliot tshirtdeathjoy on May 26th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
My condolences.
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Thank you.
sami-pi: lilysamikitty on May 26th, 2009 04:57 pm (UTC)
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
Markying_ko_4 on May 26th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear of your loss. Grandparents are a special gift from G*d...
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
Thank you. They really are, and I was fortunate to have most of them for an unusually long time. I think I had graduated high school before any of them passed away.
Markying_ko_4 on May 27th, 2009 02:31 am (UTC)
I'm in my mid-40's and I have a grandmother left. She is quite special. Not just to me, but to many.

Again, my sincerest condolences for your loss...

Edited at 2009-05-27 02:32 am (UTC)
Mel Marshmelsmarsh on May 26th, 2009 06:37 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Mr Bagginsmrbaggins1 on May 26th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Even if it was expected it still leaves a void in you and your mothers life. Thinking about you and yours.
Suzik00kaburra on May 27th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
Thank you :)
Danny Darko: water matchsaru_kage on May 27th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
"I wish I could say I was distraught and burst into proper tears of grief, but I didn't. I'm not. As harsh and cold as it sounds...I kinda expected it."

I went through that exact same thing when my grandma died a few years ago. We all knew it was coming. She was losing a quart or more of blood per day internally toward the end. When she finally went it was more of a relief than anything. I was a lot sadder that my dad had just lost his mom than I was that I'd just lost my grandma. So I totally get that.

For what it's worth though, I'm sorry for your, and your family's, loss.
VLelfbiter on May 27th, 2009 08:29 am (UTC)
My condolences to your family.
Paul Linh Nguyenanimekid on May 30th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC)
My condolences =(

(Sorry...been really behind on LJ and catching up @_@)