So I'm talking to Kris on the telephone about her prom date and he knows my birthday twin when I notice this big fat spider on the wall. I shriek and say several dirty words and shriek some more.
My brother, who is sitting at his computer playing Space Invasion Maggots Eat The World 2.54, refuses to kill the spider.
"Kill it!" I beg, watching it crawl up the wall.
"Not now, I'm about to nuke the Grandmaster Alien of Doom."
"IT'S A FUCKING BIG SPIDER WILL YOU KILL IT ALREADY IT'S A FUCKING BIG SPIDER!" I'm going into hysterics and my brother is sitting there, cool as a cucumber. Jerk! Finally he - very, very slowly - stands up and stares at the spider. Not only does he have to look at it, he has to find a flash light (five mintes) and analyze the spider, to figure out what kind it is. Oh. My. Goodness. IT'S A SPIDER KILL IT KILLITKILLIT!!! Finally it penetrates his thick skull that spiders don't need to live, so he picks up my boot to kill it with. I snatch the boot back - we ain't using my precious shoes, thankyewverymuch. So my brother - I always said he was useless - decides that the spider is harmless and refuses to squish it into the next world. He goes back to Space Invasion Maggots.
So I'm staring at the spider, which by now has gotten on to the carpet and is making stealthy eight-legged tracks towards me. Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I grab hair spray and spray the little bugger to Kingdom Come. I hope. He's still moving, so I grab "Cherry Blossom" Avon Scent Spray and empty about half of the bottle on the creep. It eventually stopped moving, but its little body is still there....