Suzi (k00kaburra) wrote,

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Fresh off the boat, ferreal...

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with "Wassup Fob!" and if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say "Fob please!" Of course when a non-Asian calls you a Fob that is grounds for a fight.

Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people.
Your significant other is not Asian and never has been.
You have few Asian friends, if any.
You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you.
You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is.
You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you're whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere.
You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word at performances at your college
You read A. magazine and think it's great
You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are
You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Fob (Fresh off the boat)
You were not born in America
You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
You do not have any non-Asian friends
Your parents do not speak any English
When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
You get extremely good grades in school
You cannot dance
Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you're from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

Your command of the English language is minimal and you don't care you like dim sum chicken feet
You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn't bootlegged
Your only hangout is Chinatown
All the lights in your house are fluorescent
You dry your clothes outside your window
You need a haircut
You either smell like cigarettes or food

You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently "awoken"
You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie; Banana) or Black (Chigger; Thousand year old egg [Pay Don?])
If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob
You have shot another Asian
Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you'll shoot them
You have a serious gambling problem
You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you'll shoot them
You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian Bitch)
You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club Monaco
You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to "mix it up"
You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
Platform heels are your favorite
You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
You do not smile in public
You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
You smoke
Your cell phone is completely customized
On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man.
Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
You are often seen with Rice-boys
You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab

You are an import car model
Your boobs are not real
There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
Stiletto heels are your favorite
Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu
Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
You cheat on your boyfriend
Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from its original stock form
Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
You always drive like you are racing someone
You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit
If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have), poor Rice-boy.


You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
You are a good dancer
You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
You are a good designer and have superior Html skills
You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed
For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
You have lots of Asian pride
Please note that this was written by someone who is Vietnamese or Taiwanese.

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