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31 December 2009 @ 08:43 pm
Avatar: The Movie  
I saw Avatar.
I had heard so many raving reviews from my artsy-fartsy friends, especially the animation majors.
So I went expecting it to be beautiful, awesome, amazing, mind-blowing, stunning, life-changing, epic. I had also, somehow, managed not to see a single preview

This is what Avatar is like
Imagine I were to take a really big dog turd and cover it in diamonds. Big, flashy, fancy, brilliant-cut diamonds. I mean, I just plaster that turd with all the diamonds the surface can hold. Then I put this sparkling poo in a museum.
Everyone just keeps going on and and on about how beautiful the diamonds are. The diamonds are expertly cut. They're flawless stones. They're huge. They're practically glowing with fire, which apparently is very valuable in a diamond. Lovely diamonds. No one is complaining that there's the slightest problem with these gems.

But HELLO people! Those diamonds are still sitting on a great big pile of dog shit!!!!

I don't care how pretty Avatar looks, that doesn't change the fact that it is so. INCREDIBLY. boring. The plot is predictable and falls back on every cliche the Sci-Fi genre has to offer. It is PAINFULLY plodding and unoriginal. Half the movie screams "Look, we were able to make a guy fly a weird-looking animal! So we did it! No reason except LOOK WHAT WE CAN DO!!!" Kills the plot. Also, some of the dialogue is so stilted and awkward, inducing deep, mournful sighs of pain or snickers at inappropriate moments.

The characters are wooden and poorly developed. Sam Worthington, the actor who plays the main character Jake Scully, apparently went to the Kristen-Stewart-as-Bella-Monotone-Voice acting school, because he displays about as much personality as Twilight's dull and witless heroine. Giovanni Ribisi, who plays the CEO of the Evil Corporation (I don't even remember the name of the company, oops!) did an OK job, but every time he appeared onscreen I thought "You're Phoebe's little brother and you probably just want some ninja stars. GO AWAY."

Honestly. Even if the film looks nice - and yes, I begrudgingly admit that the world looked fabulous and it's really just amazing what they can do with computers now - you can't substitute that for a decent story. If the characters aren't compelling, then who gives a crap how beautifully their digital skin is rendered?

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Danny Darkosaru_kage on January 2nd, 2010 06:09 am (UTC)
I pretty much agree. I guess since Mythbusters proved you actually can polish a turd it's all been downhill from there. It seemed like they developed the characters just enough to establish their archetypal positions and them put them all on auto pilot. When I was watching it I kept wishing that James Cameron had made Speaker for the Dead instead. Kind of a similar story, except--you know--good. I was pretty disappointed with it. But at least now the Dances with Smurfs episode of South Park makes sense now.

I like Giovanni Ribisi though. He was awesome in Saving Private Ryan, and I keep hoping he'll pop up in really interesting character roles. Of course, Avatar obviously didn't allow for that kind of thing.
Suzik00kaburra on January 2nd, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
I was trying and trying to think where else I had seen Giovanni Ribisi, but I never saw Saving Private Ryan, and looking over IMDB I think the only other place I've seen him is Friends! Oh, and that Sky Captain movie a few years back, but all I remember about that is Angelina Jolie in an eye patch. But he did what he could with Avatar.

As we were walking out of the theatre, we heard these women raving about how romantic the story was, how wonderful the movie was, and all I could think was "Did we watch the same movie? Is there some secret 'other' Avatar that everyone else is raving about?" Alas, no.
Danny Darkosaru_kage on January 2nd, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
Were those women wearing Team Edward shirts? 'Cuz that would explain a lot.
Suzik00kaburra on January 3rd, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC)
I think you solved the mystery!
(Deleted comment)
Suzik00kaburra on January 2nd, 2010 04:49 pm (UTC)
It's like Fern Gully, Dances with Wolves and Pocahontas rolled into one big clusterf*ck of a movie.

If you are going to see it - and I hate to say this - but try to see it in 3-D. They really utilized the technology to make the movie pop. This is definitely a movie to see on the big screen, because the detail is astonishing. It looks so so so pretty...it's just everything non-visual that sucks!
jeanniejeannietran on January 4th, 2010 12:35 am (UTC)
Giovanni Ribisi has been in a lot of good movies! Ocean's 11 and 12. Boiler Room. Gone Baby Gone. And those are only the ones I can think off the top of my head.
Suzik00kaburra on January 4th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC)
I haven't seen any of those!
Man, I really need to watch more movies :-p
jeanniejeannietran on January 10th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
Whoops, looks like I confused Giovanni Ribisi with Casey Affleck. Affleck can actually act. I just saw Avatar and you're right, all I kept thinking was "When did Phoebe's brother turn into such a douche?" It was an ok movie, Fern Gully was better.

You have to see Ocean's 11!
~ * flurr sprite * ~nkicroft on January 4th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
i refused to see it in anything other than 3d, because i was convinced it was a pile of shit that looked pretty.

heyyy.. ;)