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31 January 2011 @ 09:09 pm
WANT AD: SUPERHERO SEEKING NEW SIDEKICK  
For my writing class this semester, the first assignment the teacher gave us was to write a personal ad. It turns out that this is much, much harder than I'd expected. I struggled for well over an hour to put together a traditional dating ad, but no luck, but when you aren't actively searching for someone it's hard to articulate what you want. So instead, I wrote this:


Superhero seeking new sidekick

Do you like ADVENTURE?
Do you like MAKING A DIFFERENCE?
Do you have a talent for PROBLEM SOLVING?
Do you look GOOD IN SPANDEX?

I have been stopping criminals for twenty years, working my way up from washing tights and polishing boots to the best damn crimefighter this city's ever seen. In a recent battle with my villainous arch-nemesis, my organization experienced an opening for a SIDE KICK, so this could be your opportunity of a LIFETIME!

A SIDE KICK is an great way to kick start your career in crimefighting!! It is the fast track to quick promotion, and gets you instant access to the latest tools and techniques. Fighting solo, it might take you years to gain name recognition – but partner with an established superhero and gain instant fame! SIDE KICKS are provided with an awesome uniform, high tech weapons and a BADASS NAME.

My ideal candidate would have the following qualities:
- must be over 18 (I don't want that kind of sidekick. We're not Batman and Robin here!)
- interesting abilities, talents or political access that can aid them in the quest for JUSTICE
- special powers resulting from radiation exposure or scientific experimentation a PLUS
- tragic past preferred
- Licenses for operating cars, aircraft and heavy machinery preferred, although we can provide on-the-job training
- rigid moral code – there are no gray areas when FIGHTING CRIME
- great communication and teamwork skills

Equal opportunities employer. In compliance with the ADA act we provide specialized serums to beef up your other senses if you are blind/deaf/otherwise disabled. Rocket-powered wheelchairs are also available.

Come and join the quest for TRUTH, JUSTICE and the AMERICAN WAY!!!


Part of me really, really wants to post this on Craigslist, just to see what kind of responses I'd get.
 
 
 
jeanniejeannietran on February 3rd, 2011 07:19 am (UTC)
This made me really happy... then really sad when I realized that I'm not qualified. Wah!
Kuruma Chidori: hydechidorichan on February 3rd, 2011 03:52 pm (UTC)
That's so clever. XD I like how you subtly suggest the superhero's last sidekick was KIA. XD
Zthez on February 8th, 2011 12:43 am (UTC)
Dude, that is basically what Craigslist is for. You should totally do it!