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16 May 2012 @ 11:24 pm
RSVP = répondez s'il vous plaît.  
RSVP = répondez s'il vous plaît.
In English, that's "Respond if you please."


As we have been planning this wedding, I've learned a few things about my fiancé’s extended family. It appears that for some reason none of them learned basic etiquette when they were children. No, that’s not true. Some of his family members did send back their RSVP cards in a timely manner, and I appreciate it because it is so helpful to this whole wedding process.

But the majority of his aunts and uncles simply could not take the ten seconds necessary to check off ‘decline’ on the RSVP card, place it in an envelope and drop that envelope off in the mailbox. If they are unable to come, that’s totally fine, and I don’t take it personally. We have a destination wedding in the middle of the week; people have work or can’t drive to Yosemite. I understand. What I don’t understand is why these people have so little respect for us (or is a lack of interest in our lives?) that they ignore our invitation. Seanie finally had to call everyone and confirm their intent not to come. I guess I should have put a response deadline on the card, but I doubt that would have made a difference in this case.

I’m very annoyed when I think that we will have to deal with this all over again in a couple of months when we have our reception, which is a separate event from the wedding ceremony. I’m disinclined to send another invitation, but I’m sure Seanie will insist. But I’m going to say here and now that if they blow us off again, they are off the list for any future events.
(I’m also rather surprised that none of the non-attendees sent any note along the lines of “Congratulations! Sorry we can’t make it!” Etiquette doesn’t require that, but if these are supposedly close family members you’d think they’d say something.)

To be fair, one member of my family didn’t send an RSVP, either. But that lady is crazy, certifiably, as in she can’t live independently and has to be watched all day in an assisted living home. No one expected her to acknowledge the invitation; we just sent one to avoid potential drama should she decide to be insulted about not getting one, a la Maleficent.


One of Sean’s brothers also broke the RSVP rules, although in a different way. Like his aunts and uncles, he still hasn’t returned the RSVP, but he’s verbally confirmed he’s coming…and bringing his girlfriend. His girlfriend whom we did not invite. They’ve only been going out a few months, and may not have been dating when we sent out the invitations; I can’t quite remember. But she was definitely not included in our plans, and I find it extremely tacky that he would just add her on. Each person over 25 is going to cost us an extra $50, so I’d really like to avoid an extra person. We told him as much, and he said he’d pay for her seat. But the prospect of having a stranger at my wedding? Eeeew. Luckily, the girlfriend had some work thing - or maybe she just realized the etiquette faux pas and gracefully dropped out – and won’t be coming. I’m happy about that, at least.

I’m glad that the wedding is as small as it is! I hate to think how bitchy I’d get if I had one of those crazy 150+ people events.