Some kid just whizzed by the window on one of those scooters that are all the rage now. Am I the only person who thinks those things are totally lame? I'm waiting for a kid to crash into a rose bush so they'll declare them safety hazards and recall them from the market. The scooters, I mean. Not the kid. Although I think kids are pretty much safety hazards, too. I'll definately never have one.
Kids these days really worry me. They're growing up too fast, under the wrong role models. I mean, when I was a kid I grew up listening to Raffi singing about a baby whale and Linda Arnold telling me that imagination is the key. And now kids have Brittany Spears oops! doing it again and Backstreet Boys who want to get down and move it all around. Am I the only one who is worried?
And I swear kids hit puberty in what, kindergarten? Lisa's sister is only seven or eight, and already she's worried about boys. She got sent home last week from school for wearing a skirt that was too short. Two disturbing questions immediately entered my mind: who makes these short skirts and why does some second grader want to wear it? Have they no decency? Whatever happened to the cooties?
Not that it matters, because these kids don't seem to have much integrity either. I remember that by the time I was in second grade I was reading the "Little House" book series, and maybe Caddie Woodlawn. My dear friend Kat's cousin Lin just entered second grade, and she can barely tackle the Dumb Bunnies. For those of you who don't know, this series is about a family of pink bunnies who wear brassieres and underwear. Not even boxers, but briefs. Eeeew. And there's a picture of these scantily clad rodents on every single page, doing incredibly inane things like hanging turkeys from their noses. Maybe that never happened, but you get the idea.
And don't even get me started on this craze for little, cute, squeaky, Japanese animals. I don't like Pokemon, Digimon creeps me out, and don't make me think about Monster Rancher...
And the kid shows that are not about squeak toys are even worse. Then animation is very bad. I was watching Saturday previews one day on Fox, I think, and there was an ad for some cartoon wherein babies fight evil. Young babies too, infants. Purple and green and orange-skinned, I believe. They fight hideously ugly...things. The plot rips off the Powerpuff Girls, except that these babies fight with their nose snot. This is true. I don't have a clue what this cartoon is called, but I hope that it never actually reaches these masses. There would be some seriously disturbing results.
And I think that every kid who I see the same room as me at the theater during an R-rated movie should immediately be shipped to a mental institution, or at the very least, Rhode Island.
And for all the parents who let their kids watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess, I just want you to know that you are shaping the future of America. It is not a good idea to expose children to violence, sex, or violent sex. It gives them bad ideas. Besides, what is so hard about obeying the stupid ratings and having your kids watch nice, harmless stuff like Bill Nye the Science Guy and other educational shows. Especially the Magic School Bus and Sesame Street. I don't think anyone has ever blamed their problems on Big Bird.
Kids don't eat vegetables, either. Americans grow fatter and more obese every year, and they're dragging their little offspring with them. There are second graders in my mother's class, three in fact, who weigh more than me. Not me at that age. Me now, at sixteen. These kids are over one hundred pounds EACH.
So help me cut down on this overabundance of short people. Don't have kids when you grow up. The earth can only support about 500 million people, and as anyone with half a brain knows, we're over 5 billion. Each time you have a kid, you kill the earth a little more. Keep that in mind.
Chris is right. I am really irritable when I'm stressed.