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19 April 2012 @ 10:27 pm
Wrath of the Titans (2012)  
Wrath of the Titans

Sequel to Clash of the Titans


Dear Wrath of the Titans,

Just a little hint for you.
NOBODY WANTS A FATHER-SON STORY IN THEIR ACTION MOVIES!!!

Let me back up and explain. It’s been about ten years since the events of Clash of the Titans, and Perseus has been living the quiet life. Retired from his warrior ways, Perseus is now a fisherman, raising his son Helius in a small village. However, the gods are in trouble, for Hades (ever a troublemaker) has released the real Titans this time, and unless Perseus descends into the Underworld to save the day, Zeus and the other gods will be destroyed and the world will end in fire and chaos.

So first, let’s get something out of the way. When women go to these gladiator action movies, it is partly because we love action and partly due to our love of Greek mythology…but if we’re being honest, the biggest factor is that we love watching gorgeous, muscular men run around in short skirts and shiny armor. That fact is the only thing that justifies the existence of Immortals. These men should be sexy beasts that we can lustfully objectify, okay? But you know what kills our Perseus-inspired heart palpitations? Saddling him with a kid who follows him around throughout the movie.


However, it must be noted that slapping John Dorian’s hair on Sam Worthington’s head also didn’t help matters.


It also didn’t help that the resolution of the story comes about through the power of love, which is forever the lamest cop-out of an ending that a movie can produce. Sailor Moon barely gets away with it, because it’s a cartoon about teenage girls in junior high “fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight”. But if you’re throwing a Greek epic at an audience filled with monsters and badassery, you can’t save the day with strong family bonds and love. That’s just BORING and LAME.

So pretty please, don't ever do this again.

Love,
Me