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14 May 2013 @ 02:20 pm
The odd sensation of becoming an 'expert' in something I don't even know.  
Out of the blue, one of my former coworkers sent me a message on Facebook asking for relationship advice.

I say that it was out of the blue because I have not seen this woman for close to two years and I don't think we've spoken (outside of occasional Facebook comments and the like) in all that time.  I guess she was really desperate, and looking to talk to anyone available - I mean, I certainly wouldn't consider myself the sort of person folks turn to for this sort of thing.  But she said that I always seemed to have my life together and I was stable.  So I mentally shrugged and said I'd be happy to listen, but after being out of the dating cycle for many years I didn't know that I would be much use.

She typed out a long description of her history and current status with this guy, and asked what she should do now that her guy friend had gotten the wrong idea about her expectations from the relationship.  They had stopped hanging out because of these difficulties  I asked her if she had talked to the guy since the difficulties began, and she said no.  So I told her that they needed to sit down and talk this out.  If they weren't communicating, nothing would get resolved.

Just about all I know of relationships is that if two parties aren't on the same page, trouble is brewing.  If they don't share their thoughts and feelings, there's no way for them to grow together, whether in friendship or romance or whatnot.  Obviously, by communicate I don't necessarily mean talking, because you can chatter with someone all day long without ever truly interacting with them.  But at the most basic level, if you and I don't lay out our basic expectations for each other, we will eventually run into trouble.  It's the classic argument that stems from things like "Are we friends with benefits or boyfriend/girlfriend?"  and "Is this a fling or a long term relationship?" or, for the non-romantic relationships, "Is this a friend that I just hang out with for fun or is this someone I can call at 3:00 am with a flat tire and know they'll help me out?"

I'm not good with people, and I'm definitely not a relationship guru, but I've noticed that ever since I tied the knot more of the people I know seek me out with questions about relationships.  I guess they figure that since I managed to get a ring around my finger, I know what I'm doing?  It's just a very odd thing, because I'm pretty sure that I still don't know beans about dating and catching a man and all that jazz - and even if I did, it's not an 'accomplishment' that should be forced, right?
 
 
 
broken: i <3 jack!!liich on May 16th, 2013 12:33 am (UTC)
i think it might be the fact that you've been together for a long while now. impressive by today's standards.
i'm happy that you're together and have been that way for a good long while. it's awesome!!

as for your advice, i think it was spot-on.