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06 June 2013 @ 02:05 pm
Now what?  

Now that I am home again, am I just treading water?
I feel as though I'm not accomplishing anything.
Six months ago, I graduated from San Jose State, and I still don't have a real job.
I apply to openings, not just in local museums but all across the country, but I hear nothing.
Heck, I can't even get interviews for office positions, even though after all this time at RHA I'm practically an expert. Shouldn't winning "Employee of the Year" twice merit more than silence on the other end?

I always want to paint, but it never quite happens.
I set up a canvas and my mind goes blank.
An idea comes to me while I'm shopping for groceries, only to drift away before I make it home.
Where's the motivation gone?
I want to create, but the creativity has dried up.
(is that why people have children?)

I feel guilty because I'm not contributing fairly to the house; Seanie makes the money and I spend it on diversions so I don't have to think about how unproductive I am.  I just watch the television and read the books and wonder how much longer I can get away with being a housewife.