I am not me. I'm up above, watching me, and half-laughing at the pathetic wretch below. The other half of my attention is cast above, to that damn set of eyes above – if they focus their gaze on me-here and not me-there, I'll be cast down to join myself in becoming a bloody putrid mess.
Last night, around eleven-midnight, I just started crying and I don't really know why. I'm starting to think I'm losing all control of the tear ducts...I mean, I used to be able to cry on command. "Samchan, burst into tears!" "OK!" Big drops start rolling down my cheeks. But ever since junior year, it's taken longer and longer to get the tears going. Right now it takes about five minutes, which is frustrating because by the time I'd ready to go, the reason I wanted to burst into tears has usually faded away.
But in the middle of the night, bam! I couldn't make them stop, and I was so confused because I have no idea where they were coming from. It lasted about fifteen minutes, and was really making me wanna cry...except, you know, I already was, damn it all!
I like you a lot. I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now, and I respect that. I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future and you want to come visit me in California, I would be open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song.
Substitute 'Matthew' with another name and we have got a Samchan-is-dumb moment. ^_~ Anyway, I downloaded a ton of mp3s earlier today and one of them was Alanis' "Unsent," which ranks as an awesome song. ^_^ Another mp3 I downloaded – I've been wanting it forever – was Audioslave's "Like a Stone." But I was so disappointed! The quality is horrible; the sound's just off so badly. (I'm sure a musician could tell me precisely what's wrong, but hell if I know the words!) But I kept it, because I haven't a clue when I'll find a better mp3. I am sad, tho'...that is such an awesome song, and it sounds like shit. Guess I gotta bust out the dough and buy the CD when I get the chance...
I finished reading 'Lolita' by Nabokov - that was a damn good book. :) For some reason, Humbert reminded me of the Sailor boy. Very strange...but purtiful writing, at any rate. Read it!