It made me feel very nostalgic for high school. No, not high school per se. It made me miss that overflowing optimism, that blind faith that I could do anything and be whatever I wanted. I had such a brilliant, bright future to look forward to and be so certain that I could do great things. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so certain that I would be a big player making decisions that could affect the world.
It’s not that I despair of my potential or think that the doors to success are closed forever. Far from it! But the world seems so much smaller than it did back then. I’ll be thirty in a year, and what have I achieved in the past decade? Not very bloody much. So I’m either starting out on my career about five years behind, or I’ll never achieve certain heights that I hope for. This realization is a little bleak in either scenario.
There’s a lost community, too. In high school, you see the same group of friends every day, and you spend so much time together. I wish that this was possible in daily life. I’ve never found the same camaraderie with co-workers, although goodness knows I tried at Bath & Body Works and Lush. Most of the friends from Bath & Body Works have since slipped away into the ether, and though it seemed that some of my Lush coworkers were friends it’s now clear that without the shared experience of work, there was little to bind us together. What a pity.
Oh, those rose-colored glasses. There were a lot of things I didn’t like about high school. I know that I was often quite unhappy about it – people were jerks, I couldn’t study what I wanted, and goodness knows I had such a negative attitude. But I can’t help but wish I was back there today, to be that young and carefree again.
Goodness knows, if I could do-over high school I’d spend a lot less time watching Friends and a lot more time hanging out with my grandparents.
Well, that’s the price of time and learning. You realize the mistakes you made and that you can’t go back and undo them. The time is gone forever.
On a lighter note – because I do hate to end this entry on such a down note – here’s a funny story from that party. So the parents of this girl had booked a DJ to perform on a dance floor for them. Great idea, right? But the kids were so busy giving speeches and talking about their plans for the future that they ran out of time. The DJ had set up his equipment and waited around for the entire party, but when they finally let him start he only got to play about one and a half songs before I had to intervene and shut the party down because the rental time was over. I felt so bad for the DJ – his whole evening wasted doing nothing! But at least he still got paid.