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09 June 2014 @ 08:44 pm
Yup, it's beyond the shadow of a doubt: I'm being ignored.  

Even though it was pretty obvious that something had gone wrong with our friendship, I was really clinging to Rebecca's theory that K was just busy with work as the explanation for why I had not been getting responses from her to my messages.

So I invited her to the BBQ my husband and I were having for our birthdays.  No answer.

I sent her a private message on Facebook, saying I'd love to see her at the party if she's free and wouldn't it be fun to get the guys together because they have so much in common, yet we've never introduced them?  No answer.

I knew that calling her would be my last attempt at contact - no doubt many people find this strange, but we've NEVER used talking on the phone as a means of communication - so I kept pushing it off and pushing it off.  But it had to be done, if only because the call was likely to be the only form of closure I'd have.  Maybe I'd get lucky and she'd actually answer.

I waited 'til a weekend, just because I know weekdays are so busy for her because she works all day and has a long commute.  I called.  It rang a few times, it went to voicemail, and I left a message.

No response.

So "The End", I guess.  It's rather depressing.

It's been a long, long time since I've had a friendship ended with finality - usually we just drift apart and suddenly it's been weeks or months or years since we've seen each other.  Back in high school, someone I'll call L did e-mail me and explain that she was ending our friendship because I was a mean-hearted witch who said awful things about her weight behind her back.  (For the record, I didn't.  I assumed I'd made some sort of joke that got taken out of context, but years later I learned that the "friend" reporting my comments to L was a habitual liar who had sabotaged at least one of L's other friendships.)   At the time, I was so shocked and confused that I don't even remember if I responded.  I didn't take the steps to repair the friendship that I should have, and I've always regretted that.  But I've always been grateful that L told me why she took the actions she did, so that I didn't have to wonder anymore.

Perhaps some day K will get in touch and I'll find out what was going on. But I've done all I can without acting like a crazy stalker loon, and I can take comfort in the fact that unlike the situation with L, at least this time I tried to fix things.

 
 
 
helens_daughterhelens_daughter on June 14th, 2014 10:54 pm (UTC)
Don't dwell on it too much. If she couldn't be bothered to talk to you about what was going on, then the friendship obviously wasn't that important to her. Let it go and concentrate on the friends you do have.
Narratoraswirlymatrix on June 15th, 2014 07:23 am (UTC)
I second this, and add that, since she didn't talk to you, she sounds like a crappy communicator and not someone you want as a friend anyway.
Suzik00kaburra on June 15th, 2014 01:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks guys. I'll miss her, and not knowing what happened will probably bug me whenever I happen to think about it, but she's a great person and if she's happier this way, it's for the best.