Suzi (k00kaburra) wrote,

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It's a bitch to be nice, but it's nice to be a bitch.

Yume: Flowers blooming on a grave; people come and kick them. Petals fly everywhere, making messes in the air and in the pond and in the grass.

Today was much better. I didn't accomplish much, which is bad, because I'm quite behind on many things and really need to catch up. It's gotten to be a permanent thing, this state of catching-up. Some days I would quite like to light a fire to it all and burn it away. Other days I'd just like to drift away on a cloud and let someone else clean up after me.

Tomorrow my portfolio is due in art; it is, at best, half-completed. I'm torn between trying to finish it tonight, pulling an all-nighter, and waking up early tomorrow morning and doing as much as possible before school. In the past I've had little success with either choice. But I can't sleep at all, and I'm a bit scared of the dark tonight. Which I suppose is why I've been playing on Livejournal instead of working...

I've come to associate my name with negative things. Whenever he says it, it is an exasperated exclamation, a suffix to a point that I'm too foolish or too pathetic to comprehend properly. I even cringe when my name passes between those lips because I think I'm being scolded or yelled at. It is not pleasant to hear my name, twisted as it has become, but with no other title I don't know what my identity is in those eyes...perhaps in those eyes, I am unseen and no longer exist outside the physical shell of the stupid girl who can't do anything right.

Does anyone know where I can find the German "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco? I am dying to find this song...but no luck thus far, save for crappy remixes and an atrocious American version.

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