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15 June 2015 @ 11:08 pm
Jurassic Park scared me shitless  
When I was around nine or ten, my mom took me and my brother to see Jurassic Park in theaters.

I didn't really want to go.

It's not that I didn't like dinosaurs - I loved them, in fact. But it was because I loved them that I didn't want to see them on the big screen. Dinosaurs are scary motherf*ckers, y'know? They can step on a person and squish them flat! They can kill you in two seconds with a single bite! Dinosaurs are terrifying MONSTERS, and I knew that seeing them in gory, bloody action would give me nightmares.

But Mom wanted to see the movie so off I went. I know I was reluctant to see the movie because I brought a book into the theater with me.

I tried to watch, I really did. It didn't seem so bad at first. Dinosaur theme park? OK. They're all behind fences, it'll be fine. Wait, the power's gone out? CRAP.
The T-Rex prowling around the Jeep scared me so much that I pulled out my book, moved over to the safety light on the wall of the theater and did my best to read and ignore the sounds of the lawyer getting eaten.

I was not happy, but I couldn't go anywhere. Right around the time the lady scientist found out the hand she was holding was no longer attached to its owner, I went on a fifteen minute bathroom break, but eventually my mom came out to find me and dragged me back into the theater.

I don't have happy memories of seeing the movie. It was scarring enough that I never saw Jurassic Park II but not so bad that I didn't eventually go with my friends to see Jurassic Park III in 2001. While the pure badness of III ought to scare me off further adventures in the franchise, I'm sure I'll be seeing Jurassic World in the next week or two.

But before we do that, I wanted to re-watch the first movie, so Seanie and I rented it tonight. It's AWESOME, but you knew that already, right? Special effects aged really well, so the dinosaurs still look fantastic. Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler are pretty awesome - a paleontologist and a paleontologist, so awesome! -while Jeff Goldblum's Malcolm has grown exponentially more annoying over the years. Oddly, I feel most sympathetic to the vilified lawyer, who after all is only trying to do his job and ensure the park is a viable investment. He really didn't deserve his ignoble end.